Give me a BREAK!

The fact that despite being married I stay alone itself generates a lot of curiosity leading to a varied range of speculations amongst my not-so-close friends...and foes as well (I am not sure if I have any, except for the former team member who had to quit because I proved to be too uncompromising a boss. This guy, I bet, must be cursing me at the moment) Well, there are couples who are in long distance relationships for years after years, is not it? And they do not always fail to be happy. Why then, every second person, every second day should come to me , as if I am more than their kith and kin, and as if all they are concerned about in life is my marriage and nothing else, and say, dear, please take care, such marriages do not work. Ok enough now, you guys are not the know-how-of-all. And even if you are, i do not care. If my marriage does not work out, that is none of your business. And if it does you guys are not going to be there to celebrate my 25th marriage anniversary. May be you have seen lots of long distance relationships not working, but I am sure by now that you guys are very short sighted, too short sighted to see that there are so many marriages of people who stay not only in the same city, but also under the same roof and sleep in the same f******bed, which fail miserably.

My dear generously sympathetic friends, and self professed welwishers, thank you so much for your concern. But i would prefer you save your concern from being wasted on such undeserving a cause.

Excerpts!

There was a kite made of hesitant clouds
To the world its strings tied down
Writes life’s annals on the bounds of the sky

Dense clouds deceiving clouds
I come down to earth
As the sorrow of the primordial couple

Harboring in heart
Memories of impossible dreams

What magic what charm
Do you have earth
I am your flitting visitor
The abiding shackles of your magic.

UnTitLD

My brother had left for home yesterday. I am again alone in my one bedroom apartment that refuses to belong to me. After a long time someone from my family stayed for so long with me. I just started to get used to all his childish demands, his tantrums, his idiosyncrasies... I just started to get used to his hour long bathroom rituals, his perfectionist tea preparing rituals, his all the time being dependent on me for almost all decisions. ...and suddenly I am here left alone missing all of them.

RetREat Oh reTrEaT

...8 pm, still at office. Been here since 8 pm yesterday. No output. Waiting for a meeting with my politically correct bosses...

Seriously, can I go back to the century when being politically correct was not such a big issue?

Saturday Afternoon

While coming back from work on a Saturday evening I suddenly realised life is very familiar...almost always.
The weather has been lovely today, not at all like a Delhi 31st May. On my way home there is a garden, and a centuries old mandir, attched to it. In the middle of the garden there is huge Bauri...an ancient royal pond that may have been built to harvest rain water by some progressive king or queen.... But not to be mistaken, the pond is without water, serves best now as a playground for kids from the whole neighbourhood.
I left office early since the electricity supply system on the studio floor conked off today.
I had time... so I sat for a while in the park..watched the children play.
I was almost happy, after a long time... The children were laughing, crying, fighting, hurting, loving and also, hating.
For a few rare moments i enjoyed self oblivion this afternoon sitting in that park.
Suddenly I found myself wondering...will life be a little more worthwhile with a child around. Will it be worth living if i have a baby...
Well ...is life better for the colleague at work who is going to father a baby soon? Is life better for my landlord's son who just got married? Is life better for my brother who lives in the comfort of home and has just bought a white ford fiesta?
Ah! More of questions soon followed... will I be happy if my husband decides to stay with me? Will I be happy if my parents live with me? Will I be happy if I get a pay raise? Will I be happy if I buy a car or a new laptop? Will I be happy with a boyfriend around?
Well, I do not know the answers. I have become too moron-ic and cynical to hope that anything can improve the quality of MY life.

UtnitelD-UntitleD

Hell is where the prospects of hope are forever shut!!!
Liberation is...realisation of the potentialities of the self...

Life is - Hanging poised between these two propositions...

The Hazel Eyed Girl

Once upon a time there lived a hazel eyed girl who loved to pretend. As time passed by she grew up… pretending to be brave, brilliant, strong and smart. She grew up without letting any one know that she also had been a child once. She knew nothing about herself because no one else could tell her about her. Inevitably: because she pretended all the time. With time she grew lonelier, quite inevitably.

One drizzling summer afternoon the hazel eyed girl woke up to see the seven colored wonder of a rainbow in the bright blue sky. She never had seen a rainbow before. Beautiful: she thought. This is a bridge that connects earth to heaven. She immediately fell in love with the rainbow. But alas, the moment she stretched her arms to embrace the mighty colorful bow, it vanished. She felt like crying, but pretended to be brave and decided to go out looking for the vanished rainbow.

Since that day she has been looking for the rainbow, day and night, without stopping for a moment, pretending not to know that her bow is in love with rain…and that they were made for each other, and made in heaven.

The hazel eyed girl is still wandering…not knowing what she is doing and alas, no one can ever tell her that she is only pretending, because she has been always so perfectly pretending…