Saturday Afternoon

While coming back from work on a Saturday evening I suddenly realised life is very familiar...almost always.
The weather has been lovely today, not at all like a Delhi 31st May. On my way home there is a garden, and a centuries old mandir, attched to it. In the middle of the garden there is huge Bauri...an ancient royal pond that may have been built to harvest rain water by some progressive king or queen.... But not to be mistaken, the pond is without water, serves best now as a playground for kids from the whole neighbourhood.
I left office early since the electricity supply system on the studio floor conked off today.
I had time... so I sat for a while in the park..watched the children play.
I was almost happy, after a long time... The children were laughing, crying, fighting, hurting, loving and also, hating.
For a few rare moments i enjoyed self oblivion this afternoon sitting in that park.
Suddenly I found myself wondering...will life be a little more worthwhile with a child around. Will it be worth living if i have a baby...
Well ...is life better for the colleague at work who is going to father a baby soon? Is life better for my landlord's son who just got married? Is life better for my brother who lives in the comfort of home and has just bought a white ford fiesta?
Ah! More of questions soon followed... will I be happy if my husband decides to stay with me? Will I be happy if my parents live with me? Will I be happy if I get a pay raise? Will I be happy if I buy a car or a new laptop? Will I be happy with a boyfriend around?
Well, I do not know the answers. I have become too moron-ic and cynical to hope that anything can improve the quality of MY life.

UtnitelD-UntitleD

Hell is where the prospects of hope are forever shut!!!
Liberation is...realisation of the potentialities of the self...

Life is - Hanging poised between these two propositions...

The Hazel Eyed Girl

Once upon a time there lived a hazel eyed girl who loved to pretend. As time passed by she grew up… pretending to be brave, brilliant, strong and smart. She grew up without letting any one know that she also had been a child once. She knew nothing about herself because no one else could tell her about her. Inevitably: because she pretended all the time. With time she grew lonelier, quite inevitably.

One drizzling summer afternoon the hazel eyed girl woke up to see the seven colored wonder of a rainbow in the bright blue sky. She never had seen a rainbow before. Beautiful: she thought. This is a bridge that connects earth to heaven. She immediately fell in love with the rainbow. But alas, the moment she stretched her arms to embrace the mighty colorful bow, it vanished. She felt like crying, but pretended to be brave and decided to go out looking for the vanished rainbow.

Since that day she has been looking for the rainbow, day and night, without stopping for a moment, pretending not to know that her bow is in love with rain…and that they were made for each other, and made in heaven.

The hazel eyed girl is still wandering…not knowing what she is doing and alas, no one can ever tell her that she is only pretending, because she has been always so perfectly pretending…